Just this week, I was rather shocked and horrified to have my ex-husband knock.. no, make that *KICK* my front door in a bid to get my attention. This he actually got, albeit briefly as I refuse to answer to anyone who screams and bellows at me while steaming drunk on their birthday. I was accused of 'upsetting our daughter'... uhm.. suddenly she's ours? I knew that all along sunshine, pity you only remembered _now_.
Thing was, as he was screaming the odds at me supposedly upsetting our daughter, in the background, with a friend of hers, she was there, our daughter, crying and carrying on about the very thing I'd just been accused of. Hello, pot calling kettle.. come in kettle...?!
As he tried to push his way forward, he threatened both myself and my fiancee. I wasn't going to let the ex get away with this and I had to literally push him away from the front door - easy when he's drunk, but he's got that 'raging bull' instinct that had him pushing back and another session of me having to practically push him away again.
I havent seen our daughter for weeks - because of him... the last time I saw her was when she was safely returned to my mothers after she'd been missing some hours one night. I'd told her it was bad to run away because she'd still have to face everything she'd ran away from on her return and that if she did it too often, someone might just contact social services and she could end up in care.
Now the other thing about this is that I'm marked down as the bad guy in all this. Well, lets just say that my ex is an alcoholic dyslexic with more stuff going on in his head than he'll ever admit to. He's lost an aunt through drink related health issues and his own father died only 12 months before we met back in 1994.
When dealing with our daughters disappearing act, I sat her down and we talked.. I told her things I knew would help her... I didn't try to say anything that would lead to her being upset 2 weeks down the road and enough for my ex to call steaming mad and drunk almost a week after that because had HE dealt with her after her little running off do, he WOULD have hit her and he WOULD have shouted at her and the result would've been her wanting to run off again.
I tolerated years of psychological abuse. I divorced him because of his behaviour and I assumed that getting my own place would give me the freedoms I'd lacked. I couldn't have been more wrong. When he wasn't calling on me to check on me, he was telling me that someone had seen my lights go out at whatever time and that I'd been seen going out by his mates. Scary enough.... worse was, from home, while he was working illegally as a plasterer for a friend of his (and getting paid good money)driving his van here there and everywhere (using his FATHERS driving licence cos he lost his some years ago) I had to go to his to collect her for school and take her, then go back home, do things that needed doing, then go back to school once they'd finished for the day, take her back to his, cook her dinner, make sure she was out of her uniform, wait for him to come back, then go home, cook my OWN dinner.. and then go back to his to babysit until god knows when - and I sometimes wasn't getting to bed until the small hours.
And it's about a half mile between here and there.. 6 times a day? yes, it was tiring.
He's a nutcase when he's had a few beers.
Our daughter even wrote him a letter for his legitimate job as club employee to quit his job so he could spend some time with her. He's never handed it in.
He much prefers his beer.
It's little wonder really that because of his attitude, she's having counselling at school for her behaviour. My family choose to believe the ramblings of this drunken dyslexic over me, family they've known since birth, and I know my cousin and her aunt hate me because of him. On my daughters 10th Birthday in April, they sneered down their noses at me and you could tell the atmosphere was really bad and rather than hearing my side to all this, they didn't. They barely ackowledged me. My cousin, on knowing I'd been to celebrate my daughters birthday at my mums that night said she'd have to tell my ex I was there... uh.. yes, she's THAT dumb. I bear all the psychological scars though... my confidence has been shot to pieces on more times than I dare care mention. After his little episode the other night, my nerves are on edge. I shook like a leaf after what happened. Our daughter wanted to run back to ME after his session, only, he pulled her back and made her more upset.
I've seen neither since. I'm worried in case he does try to call again unexpectedly in a similar manner to the other night. He'll be making sure that he celebrates his birthday all weekend being as drunk as possible. I just hope his new girlfriend sees him for what he is sooner rather than later and has the good sense to get out before he does to her what he's done to me and his previous girlfriend - it all makes sense now, he'd been attacking his ex behind my back when we were married - the incident with his ex's son on our doorstep that warm summer night, brought him a severe migraine that led to him being hospitalised overnight. Totally his own fault and I see it now. Clearer than ever.
This will all be sorted out through the appropriate authorities on Monday. As for my psychological scars, they're going to be a long time healing. I can cope... I have to for the sake of what needs to be done and thats a process that needs to be followed through in order to recover. Being strong and being supported are all I need to help me through this. NOBODY should have to tolerate what I've been through, what my daughter has had to go through and the lies thats perpetuated in order to keep an idiot like him roaming the streets.
I take bullying of any form very seriously. It's not one thing you should have to deal with - be it physical or psychological. If you can talk, talk... if you can write, write. If you're suffering, let it out... tell someone, post a letter.. phone someone... just TELL someone.... it's the first step in getting it stopped.
Some useful links:
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/ <-- domestic abuse information
http://www.bullyonline.org <-- similar organisation
http://www.kidpower.org <-- school bullying issues
